For so many years I found myself emotionally stagnate, lost and at times even carrying a negative belief system about what life ultimately had in store for me. When I found myself in between the light and dark moments, I would go back and forth from letting go to holding on to what I wanted to see. Due to my own actions, I couldn't provide my mind, body or soul the appropriate fuel needed to actually survive in a healthy manner.
I remember at one time feeling as though I would never get what I really wanted, no matter how hard I tried. I believed that I had done all the work and paid my dues in spades, yet I had nothing to show for it. Not only was I dead wrong, I was crazy. Yeah I said it, crazy. I thought I knew myself completely. As it turns out, I didn't know myself at all. That's not an epiphany anyone wants to get, especially when they're set in their ways. "Who me, change? Believe something else and do something different? Yeah, right!"
To get different results you have to try another way. We all know this, but when we're knee deep in drama and feeling lonely or scared, there's a tendency to float toward people who don't have our best interests at heart, carry a negative belief system or keep ourselves frozen in time. We can also miss out on grand opportunities for change because we're so focused on what we don’t have. Until we have learned how to master the art of letting go, we will continue to experience the same thing over and over again. Believe me, I should know and it's not very much fun.
Letting go is a 1-2-3 process that takes an enormous amount of faith and time. When I say let go, I mean give everything up to the Universe and believe you are getting what you need to achieve the life you really want, even if it doesn't feel so hot. It's easier said than done, yes, but I can promise you the results are nothing short of amazing.
STEP 1 - ACCEPTANCE
All you're doing here is finding an understanding of the past and current situation, then training your brain to stop wanting to change what is. The only person you can control is you. This takes a lot of patience, but if you want something bad enough you'll stop at nothing to reach that goal, right? The goal being peace of mind and self-empowerment. The best way to stay on track with this step is to constantly tell yourself that you're supposed to live through this experience and it's just a stepping stone.
STEP 2 - FORGIVENESS
"To err is human, to forgive divine."
We've all heard that one and it's easier said than done, isn't it? Yes it sure is, but it's possible. You just have to want it bad enough. True forgiveness is breaking the cycle of playing the blame game. This means letting go of who did what to whom and allowing yourself to be the victim. Relationships, no matter what kind, are a two-way street and each person needs to be accountable for their role in the demise. It doesn't matter what the situation is. If you think you're ready to try and forgive someone, it's best to believe that their choice(s) don't affect you anymore then release the person and situation to the Universe.
STEP 3 - MOVING ON
Depending on how strongly you were affected by the person and/or situation in question, steps 1 and 2 can take months or even years to complete. The time frame is strictly up to you. Moving on truly begins when you've hit rock bottom and are sick of yourself. You will be tired of feeling lousy and are at the point where the only place you can go is up. This step is the action part of the process, but comes in 2 phases.
Phase 1 - The Back and Forth
You will probably swing from positive to negative thoughts regarding your past in the situation in question and your future. This is all very natural, however, should not be focused on for very long. Feel the pain or angst then let it go. Trust that all the work you've done is not only good enough, but profound enough to implement change in divine time.
Phase 2 - Change Your Lifestyle
This is the time for action. Take part in activities that you used to love or new ones that you know will make you happy. Get rid of all the dead weight, which includes leaving people and/or situations that bring you down and do not fit your personality any longer. It's important to never stay where your heart and soul is screaming in agony. When invited to do something that is not a danger to your spirit, but is something you wouldn't normally do, try it. This is how the miracle of a life change occurs. All you have to do is open your mind and make a new choice. It could be the one that changes your life forever.
The elements that can delay the letting go process and real change are as follows:
* Being fearful of the process and the future
* Holding on to past anger and pain
* Having a lack of faith in yourself
* Beating yourself up for things you think you've done wrong
* Not putting forth a real effort to do some things differently
* Not being fully accountable for your actions, past and present
* Believing that your future will be the same based on your past
* Not accepting the reality of your situation (also known as denial)
* Comparing yourself and life to other people
As long as we're alive, we will never rid ourselves of the trials that life sends our way, but we can work through them and come out shining in the end. Remember, the only thing in life you can control are your own thoughts, feelings and actions. Also understand that this process should never be a competition between you and another. When you adopt that bad intent it will not only hinder your progress, but will make you look bad to the people you're trying to impress.
So how do you know when the process is working? Well, nobody's life is the same, but you will definitely start attracting situations and people that you feel are on the same page as yourself. You will be happier with the outcomes of those situations and will find stability within them. For the most part, your fear will have subsided and your confidence will sky rocket. Your faith will be restored. Most importantly, you will be attracting the life you want without feeling the need to manipulate. The result? You will finally start to fall in love with your life again.